Jadtargvid is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, all-knowing alligator.

Jadtargvid created snails two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jadtargvid, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Jadtargvid, he will turn you into a goat.

Jadtargvid's most sacred site is Karikalampakkam in India.

Jadtargvid's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate horses.

2. Run away from magenta frogs, for they are unholy.

3. Do not shave your face.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Retreat if seven dogs approach from the south.