Zanflowtonkin is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, wise faun.

Zanflowtonkin created dark energy five million years ago.

If you believe in Zanflowtonkin, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Zanflowtonkin, she will destroy your home galaxy.

Zanflowtonkin's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Zanflowtonkin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Turtles are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Zanflowtonkin must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Always help doves in need.

5. Always help sick tapirs.