Spagnuttvan is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, irritating mouse.

Spagnuttvan created Asia three million years ago.

If you believe in Spagnuttvan, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Spagnuttvan, she will destroy your favourite solar system.

Spagnuttvan's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Spagnuttvan's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your face turquoise.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.