Tonyattbast is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, deceitful dugong.

Tonyattbast created light five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tonyattbast, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Tonyattbast, it will turn you into a frog.

Tonyattbast's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Tonyattbast's Holy Commandments

1. Porpoises are not to be trusted.

2. You must love Tonyattbast.

3. Never laugh in the presence of hamsters.

4. Do not drink water in black rooms.

5. Never think ill of sick nematodes.