Nillgamlip is a god.

He takes the form of an one thousand metre long, compassionate scorpion.

Nillgamlip created humanity five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nillgamlip, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Nillgamlip, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Nillgamlip's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Nillgamlip's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not wear aluminium on your body.

3. Never write about gravity.

4. Never wear yellow stockings.

5. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.