Nelsadbig is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, selfish mink.

Nelsadbig created the universe three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nelsadbig, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Nelsadbig, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Nelsadbig's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Nelsadbig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear nickel on your body.

2. Never eat turnips.

3. Pray towards the north.

4. Always make sure there are no porpoises in a room before entering it.

5. You must love Nelsadbig.