Funbellzimquill is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, unjust guinea pig.

Funbellzimquill created the solar system three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Funbellzimquill, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Funbellzimquill, he will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Funbellzimquill's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Funbellzimquill's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your hands.

2. Never look at black holes.

3. Do not take Funbellzimquill's name in vain.

4. Pray towards the south.

5. Do not speak about garlic.