Somvigbarngess is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, unjust giraffe.

Somvigbarngess created a strange quark eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Somvigbarngess, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Somvigbarngess, he will destroy your favourite solar system.

Somvigbarngess' most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Somvigbarngess' Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of platinum.

2. Always treat hamsters with great respect.

3. Always make sure there are no doves in a room before entering it.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Respect your elders.