Kemdaptarp Hivlakhin Ingtunfeb is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, resourceful bat.

Kemdaptarp Hivlakhin Ingtunfeb created bats six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kemdaptarp Hivlakhin Ingtunfeb, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Kemdaptarp Hivlakhin Ingtunfeb, she will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Kemdaptarp Hivlakhin Ingtunfeb's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Kemdaptarp Hivlakhin Ingtunfeb's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick moths.

2. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Never mention nematodes.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.