Quaghakcum is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, almighty bat.

Quaghakcum created an up quark three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quaghakcum, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Quaghakcum, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Quaghakcum's most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Quaghakcum's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Quaghakcum.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Quaghakcum.

3. Never talk about sheep.

4. Never wear brown trousers.

5. You must never eat parsnips.