Jarnkimjam is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, moody goose.

Jarnkimjam created water eight million years ago.

If you believe in Jarnkimjam, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Jarnkimjam, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Jarnkimjam's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Jarnkimjam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in magenta rooms.

2. Do not shave your hands.

3. Always treat rats with great respect.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Always wear green.