Sistailfagbessrowjan is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, thoughtless salamander.

Sistailfagbessrowjan created Mount Everest two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Sistailfagbessrowjan, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Sistailfagbessrowjan, he will torture you forever.

Sistailfagbessrowjan's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Sistailfagbessrowjan's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear mauve rings.

2. Retreat if three sharks approach from the north.

3. Never look at asteroids.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Never talk about fire.