Bonkquafstan is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, humane otter.

Bonkquafstan created the cosmos nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bonkquafstan, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Bonkquafstan, he will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Bonkquafstan's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Bonkquafstan's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about cell theory.

2. Never paint your hands magenta.

3. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.