Ontcebfud is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, amazing hyena.

Ontcebfud created bats five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ontcebfud, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Ontcebfud, she will boil you in a big pot.

Ontcebfud's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Ontcebfud's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no mice in a building before entering it.

2. Do not shave your hands.

3. Never bounce near dogs.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.