Bephakpad is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, strong mongoose.

Bephakpad created the world three billion years ago.

If you believe in Bephakpad, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Bephakpad, she will turn you into a snail.

Bephakpad's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Bephakpad's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Never paint your arms mauve.

5. Never wear shorts.