Larnlakmig is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, dishonourable hydra.

Larnlakmig created the planet Mars four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Larnlakmig, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Larnlakmig, it will throw large rocks at you.

Larnlakmig's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Larnlakmig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Erect a large copper sculpture of Larnlakmig on top of all buildings.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Never hurt aardvarks.