Latkarlip is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, awe-inspiring mongoose.

Latkarlip created light two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Latkarlip, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Latkarlip, he will turn you into a worm.

Latkarlip's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Latkarlip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about figs.

2. Erect four titanium sculptures of Latkarlip on top of important buildings.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Retreat if three manatees approach from the north.

5. Hide from purple foxes for they are unholy.