Zakyatfenpod is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, tiresome tapir.

Zakyatfenpod created life eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zakyatfenpod, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Zakyatfenpod, he will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Zakyatfenpod's most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Zakyatfenpod's Holy Commandments

1. Bats are not to be trusted.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Never paint your feet violet.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Do not eat lentils.