Quarthim is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, wise faun.

Quarthim created Europe five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quarthim, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Quarthim, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Quarthim's most sacred site is Gara in Hungary.

Quarthim's Holy Commandments

1. Never sit near tortoises.

2. Do not wear silver on your body.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate nematodes.

4. Always help seals in need.

5. Never wear shoes.