Bittarpquagquatfabtenjip is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, vain penguin.

Bittarpquagquatfabtenjip created the Milkyway six billion years ago.

If you believe in Bittarpquagquatfabtenjip, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Bittarpquagquatfabtenjip, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Bittarpquagquatfabtenjip's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Bittarpquagquatfabtenjip's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about horizontal gene transfer.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of gold.

4. Never write about cell theory.

5. Always help sick dogs.