Lapsafsogpad is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, merciless dog.

Lapsafsogpad created time and space nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lapsafsogpad, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Lapsafsogpad, it will destroy your home galaxy.

Lapsafsogpad's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Lapsafsogpad's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Never go into pink rooms.

3. Never feed melons to cats while wearing cyan shorts.

4. Pray towards the north.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate eagles.