Xucjendibnarduthab Soglangem Hamlistrig is a god.

It takes the form of a three thousand metre long, unthinking swallow.

Xucjendibnarduthab Soglangem Hamlistrig created tapeworms six billion years ago.

If you believe in Xucjendibnarduthab Soglangem Hamlistrig, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Xucjendibnarduthab Soglangem Hamlistrig, it will turn you into a mole.

Xucjendibnarduthab Soglangem Hamlistrig's most sacred site is Gadna in Hungary.

Xucjendibnarduthab Soglangem Hamlistrig's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if three dolphins approach from the north.

2. Put Xucjendibnarduthab Soglangem Hamlistrig first in all things.

3. You must never eat gooseberries.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Always look after injured tapirs.