Quimflapcin is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, emotional jaguar.

Quimflapcin created life eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quimflapcin, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Quimflapcin, he will turn you into a snail.

Quimflapcin's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Quimflapcin's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Quimflapcin.

3. Do not hurt dolphins.

4. Put Quimflapcin first in all things.

5. Do not bounce in public.