Bemcemzogfonvolbem is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, unselfish yak.

Bemcemzogfonvolbem created snails two billion years ago.

If you believe in Bemcemzogfonvolbem, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Bemcemzogfonvolbem, it will turn you into a small brown duck.

Bemcemzogfonvolbem's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Bemcemzogfonvolbem's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured capybaras.

2. Do not speak about pineapples.

3. Feed all hungry manatees.

4. Run away if eight tortoises approach from the west.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.