Fotbad Lapfabafbunfarnmiptagbag is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, dishonourable salamander.

Fotbad Lapfabafbunfarnmiptagbag created life five billion years ago.

If you believe in Fotbad Lapfabafbunfarnmiptagbag, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Fotbad Lapfabafbunfarnmiptagbag, he will turn you into a rat.

Fotbad Lapfabafbunfarnmiptagbag's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Fotbad Lapfabafbunfarnmiptagbag's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Put Fotbad Lapfabafbunfarnmiptagbag first in all things.

3. Run away if seven birds approach from the east.

4. Never paint your legs pink.

5. Never jump in the presence of hamsters.