Dogkadpom is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, blissful scorpion.

Dogkadpom created energy three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dogkadpom, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Dogkadpom, it will destroy your home planet.

Dogkadpom's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Dogkadpom's Holy Commandments

1. Dogkadpom loves aardvarks, so they must be honoured.

2. You must love Dogkadpom.

3. Never go into fawn rooms.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of silicon.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.