Hapbenlagbam is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, charitable dingo.

Hapbenlagbam created everything that exists three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hapbenlagbam, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Hapbenlagbam, he will turn you into a duck.

Hapbenlagbam's most sacred site is Denshawai in Egypt.

Hapbenlagbam's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear cyan.

2. Never write about cell theory.

3. Never talk about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.