Dogvonlarn is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, awesome goblin.

Dogvonlarn created a photon three million years ago.

If you believe in Dogvonlarn, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Dogvonlarn, she will turn you into a frog.

Dogvonlarn's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Dogvonlarn's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Erect a large silver sculpture of Dogvonlarn on top of all buildings.

5. Never bounce near capybaras.