Veenrapgep is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, two-faced turtle.

Veenrapgep created carbon nine million years ago.

If you believe in Veenrapgep, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Veenrapgep, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Veenrapgep's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Veenrapgep's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Erect a large tin sculpture of Veenrapgep on top of all buildings.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Do not shave your face.

5. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.