Mathinyog is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, omnipotent tortoise.

Mathinyog created snails three million years ago.

If you believe in Mathinyog, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Mathinyog, she will not invite you to parties.

Mathinyog's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Mathinyog's Holy Commandments

1. Otters are unholy and should not be approached.

2. You must never eat corn.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Never think about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

5. Feed all hungry turtles.