Bemtarquag is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, moody scorpion.

Bemtarquag created an electron eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bemtarquag, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Bemtarquag, she will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Bemtarquag's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Bemtarquag's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Bemtarquag.

2. Never write about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

3. Never talk about mice.

4. Never hurt tapirs.

5. Erect seven silver sculptures of Bemtarquag on top of important buildings.