Kiknellbus Appbapjap is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, witless manatee.

Kiknellbus Appbapjap created viruses five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kiknellbus Appbapjap, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Kiknellbus Appbapjap, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Kiknellbus Appbapjap's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Kiknellbus Appbapjap's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large lead sculpture of Kiknellbus Appbapjap on top of all buildings.

2. Retreat if nine hamsters approach from the north.

3. Never paint your hands red.

4. Never write about cell theory.

5. Do not drink alcohol.