Kapvogomin Tik is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, unthoughtful swan.

Kapvogomin Tik created a quark seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kapvogomin Tik, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Kapvogomin Tik, it will think nothing of it.

Kapvogomin Tik's most sacred site is Pontelandolfo in Italy.

Kapvogomin Tik's Holy Commandments

1. Always help aardvarks in need.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. You must never eat pineapples.

4. Mites are not to be trusted.

5. Hide from magenta squirrels for they are unholy.