Bonktigzed is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, calm centipede.

Bonktigzed created dark energy five billion years ago.

If you believe in Bonktigzed, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Bonktigzed, she will be very sad.

Bonktigzed's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Bonktigzed's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no swans in a room before entering it.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Always help snails in need.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.