Gessapptikmis is a god.

He takes the form of a small, weak zebra.

Gessapptikmis created Africa nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gessapptikmis, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Gessapptikmis, he will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Gessapptikmis' most sacred site is Trujillo in Spain.

Gessapptikmis' Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Gessapptikmis.

4. Do not laugh in public.

5. Never write about the weak nuclear force.