Somcussgongabpak is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, fast hyena.

Somcussgongabpak created the planet Jupiter six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Somcussgongabpak, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Somcussgongabpak, she will turn you into a frog.

Somcussgongabpak's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Somcussgongabpak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not sing in public.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Somcussgongabpak must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

5. Never talk about nematodes.