Gabwegsig is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, self-confident gorilla.

Gabwegsig created the Cigar Galaxy nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gabwegsig, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Gabwegsig, he will torture you forever.

Gabwegsig's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Gabwegsig's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate mites.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Always obey Gabwegsig's priests.