Beggembet is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, stupid meerkat.

Beggembet created energy seven million years ago.

If you believe in Beggembet, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Beggembet, she will turn you into a slug.

Beggembet's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Beggembet's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Do not dye your hair gray.

4. Erect a large zinc sculpture of Beggembet on top of all buildings.

5. Always help porpoises.