Mabhivquartnak is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, loving penguin.

Mabhivquartnak created matter nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Mabhivquartnak, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Mabhivquartnak, she will turn you into a rock.

Mabhivquartnak's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Mabhivquartnak's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Never paint your back violet.

3. Never think about black holes.

4. Never write about comets.

5. Never mention pigs.