Febquimrak is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, emotional butterfly.

Febquimrak created carbon three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Febquimrak, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Febquimrak, it will turn you into an amoeba.

Febquimrak's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Febquimrak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Always wear red.

4. Never write about cell theory.

5. Do not shave your head.