Lapbapgod is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, calm walrus.

Lapbapgod created the world nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lapbapgod, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Lapbapgod, she will turn you into a goat.

Lapbapgod's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Lapbapgod's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Do not trade with those who eat parsnips.

3. Lapbapgod must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Lapbapgod.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.