Flapbarnsid is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, effective chinchilla.

Flapbarnsid created carbon six billion years ago.

If you believe in Flapbarnsid, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Flapbarnsid, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Flapbarnsid's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Flapbarnsid's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Never think about horizontal gene transfer.

3. Do not trade with those who eat carrots.

4. Always wear black.

5. Always treat voles with great respect.