Quagrutnib is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, pitiless yak.

Quagrutnib created silver four billion years ago.

If you believe in Quagrutnib, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Quagrutnib, she will be very sad.

Quagrutnib's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Quagrutnib's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat pineapples.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Do not drink water in cyan rooms.

4. Quagrutnib loves ants, so they must be respected.

5. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.