Bitfumrull is a god.

He takes the form of a large, almighty aardvark.

Bitfumrull created Asia eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bitfumrull, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Bitfumrull, he will come to you in dreams.

Bitfumrull's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Bitfumrull's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear zinc on your body.

2. Never write about gravity.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Never talk about cell theory.