Vonlarphin is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, happy snake.

Vonlarphin created a photon six million years ago.

If you believe in Vonlarphin, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Vonlarphin, it will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Vonlarphin's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Vonlarphin's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about black holes.

2. Vonlarphin loves rats, so they must be respected.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Always make sure there are no tapirs in a room before entering it.