Ratbessmum is a god.

It takes the form of an one thousand metre long, weak manatee.

Ratbessmum created life eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ratbessmum, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Ratbessmum, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Ratbessmum's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Ratbessmum's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into indigo rooms.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Ratbessmum.

3. Never write about gravity.

4. Birds are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Always help hamsters.