Sitnurflab is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, witless manatee.

Sitnurflab created dark matter seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Sitnurflab, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Sitnurflab, she will turn you into a puffin.

Sitnurflab's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Sitnurflab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Run away if six porpoises approach from the west.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of zinc.

5. Never talk about fire.