Gatfebcun is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, compassionate monkey.

Gatfebcun created carbon two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gatfebcun, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Gatfebcun, it will be very unhappy.

Gatfebcun's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Gatfebcun's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about black holes.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Gatfebcun loves voles, so they must be honoured.

4. Do not eat peanuts.

5. You must never eat cucumbers.