Arplitgof is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, unjust seal.

Arplitgof created a charm quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Arplitgof, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Arplitgof, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Arplitgof's most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Arplitgof's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured shrews.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Arplitgof.

5. Never hurt nematodes.