Flaptitcan is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, dishonest narwhal.

Flaptitcan created the planet Venus two billion years ago.

If you believe in Flaptitcan, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Flaptitcan, it will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Flaptitcan's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Flaptitcan's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Pray towards the east.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Do not dye your hair red.